Syllogistic Logic

1. I hate days when I don't get work done.

2. Monday are days when I have an ocean of things to do and no time to do them.

3. (from 2) I get no work done on Mondays.

.: I hate Mondays.

Prove Me Wrong

I was wondering the other day how sometimes the time just seems to slip away... I go into the library with the best of intentions (which "never set a man free," i.e. they're not significant without action) and end up leaving an hour later with 7 books awkwardly exploding out of my arms and not having accomplished anything. Dang library system. They put bunches of related books into the same section so you just glance at one and then the next...of COURSE it's going to be way tempting. I'm obsessed with books. And more books. One of the greatest joys in my life are my BOOKS.

If only I could learn on my own time. I think I'd actually get a lot more learning done, really. Give me Tocqueville, Charles Taylor, Adam Smith, Thomas Sowell, Dinesh D'Souza, and C.S. Lewis and I'll be busy and happy for years. (Though I do confess, I fear that I would one day end up like my econ prof who lives alone in a house full of books. While I admire him for earning six degrees in everything from math to theology, t's certainly not my ideal...more like my greatest fear.)

So anyway, I have like, 30 library books in my room right now. No, I have no shelf space for them so yes, they are scattered on the floor and on my desk. However, I will tell you that I have skimmed probably half of them. ... No, no, that's a good thing. Usually they pile up and I never get a chance to open a single one of them.

Where am I going with all of this? I don't know. Books are addictive and that's it. If only I could stop time while I read.

The title of this installment refers to why I read, I guess. Learning/knowledge is my telos; I learn everything from books and they dispel my false ideas and reinforce the true ones.

At the same time though, the title could refer to my tendency to rationalize my bringing so many books back to my room. Maybe give me a good argument for leaving them in the library and save me from myself next time.

BLLAAAHHH.
It's late.

overcommitment = arrogance, cowardice, and exhaustion

When people ask what I'm involved in, I am always hesitant to rattle off the list.

Besides five classes, I have:

- spring break missions trip (now SIFE, too)
- IFC
- station manager for the media department
- Echo
- teaching assistant
- Randomly Famous (start-up business venture)
- small group leader
- Ethics Bowl competition
- applying for internships...

To be honest, the hours that I should put into all of these would maybe overflow the actual week, and at least knock virtually all sleep out of the equation.

But oh, I'm not proud of this list. At the moment, I'm thoroughly embarrassed by it. Are you kidding me?? Perhaps it's impressive and maybe I'm even being somewhat effective in all of these positions. But this campus is filled with students who can't say no, who are all supposedly suited to leadership roles, and who are too caught up in what could be to appreciate what's happening now. I'm just another one of those. And no one sees past my "dedication" and "enthusiasm" and "intelligence" and "discipline" to see what's really happening--

I'm too arrogant -- I think that the other people involved in each of these are too dependent on me and would be devastated if I quit.
I'm too cowardly -- I couldn't stand the embarrassment of actually admitting that I'm over-committed and perhaps didn't anticipate what I've got myself into.
I'm dead tired -- sleep for the last three nights has been 5 hours, 3 hours, 5 hours, and I'm probably looking at 4 hours tonight.

I suppose I do enjoy all of these things, for the most part. I can't pick any one item that I would want to give up right now. And some true satisfaction came last weekend when I was putting together my resume. Yeah, baby--show it off to the people who care.

But really, I eagerly look forward to the day when I can pour myself into a single project or plan or goal. Then I'll have free time. In my free time, I will love people. And that will be my life.


*oh, one good thing is that my attitude never gets down. Yeah, I'm being introspective right now and I'd rather be sleeping, most definitely; but the women on my wing all notice that I have joy and laughter even in my stress. The frustration radiates through my back and neck and shoulders, but fortunately doesn't affect my smile. Nice.