Oh, what a difference a month makes.

It has been a while, I guess. I've been neglectful. And yet, so much has happened, I can hardly express it all in blog posts.

First, I experienced Urbana '09 at the end of December. It wasn't shocking or revelatory or especially controversial... In fact, I thought it was beautifully biblical and in every way challenging. All in all, I felt a strong confirmation that I'll never be satisfied doing anything but missions. Now, that's not remarkable in any way--"missions" is pretty broad. But I do feel quite confident that I will spend my life doing some kind of work overseas, hopefully involving economic development and definitely focused on being part of people's lives. That's what I want to do, that's what I feel called to do.

Second, Libby and I made it to England on our own and managed to get around London and now Oxford with ease. It's fun to feel capable of navigating a new country on my own, but even more than that, it's marvelous to feel at home here. I can't attribute that sense of home to any great international sense that I have, but only to God's grace and the generosity of our host family here in Oxford.

Which brings me to the third element-- the people we've been spending time with here in England are a Godsend and a blessing. Steve and Jenny Hellyer are our dad and mom for the month and they are such examples of humble servants yearning for Christ. They radiate love wherever they go.

And I can't forget to mention the other lovely people from Taylor who are here with me: Dr. Ricke is fabulous and hilarious and I enjoy interacting with him and learning from him. Lib is the best J-term roommate ever and we get along as well as an old married couple. Caleb is easily one of my favorite people in existence (and that's even besides teaching us how to play Canasta). New lovely friend in my life is Kirsten Rose Wilhelm: bright, beautiful, and with a heart that's sold out for Christ. And my tutor, Diego, is gracious and patient with me and I'm learning so much.

Things haven't been all rosy, though. In fact, a lot of thing have been more challenging than ever--I've been facing obstacles and bearing burdens that I've never experienced before. All of that deserves a few posts all to themselves, really. But there's this amazingly difficult thing called trust (much like the faith that I can't rationalize) that hurts a lot of the time and always feels uncomfortable...and I've wrestled that beast with complete desperation at times in recent days. And even when I've submitted, it has felt like Jacob's hip being put out of joint as he wrestled the angel at Bethel.

Oh, God has been so present lately, even though I've often felt blind and far from Him. I'm sometimes afraid of what may come because I know it won't be anything easy. He doesn't ask for the simple things that are easy to sacrifice. No, He requires amputations sometimes. But I know good things will come, things that will give Him glory. And that is the purpose and joy of my being so I will choose to seek it.

Lighthouse Commissioning Service

In all of those old-school psychological thrillers (or maybe I'm thinking of ACME cartoons...) there's a scene when the hero is standing under a chandelier or an anvil or a bucket of boiling hot tar that is hanging by a frayed rope that will break at any moment. Well, hanging over my head right now is a sharp, 2-ton, crushing three-papers-and-a-physics-test-all-in-the-same-freaking-week. However, I feel compelled to write a quick little scribble of text in reflection on the Lighthouse commissioning service.

First of all, it was beautiful and thrilling how many people came out to encourage our Lighthouse (short-term missions) teams tonight. It's a rough week for most people (like me) but if there's one thing missionaries need (besides funding :) ) it's prayer and encouragement. The theater where the service was held was packed out, all there of their own volition and all with a passion and a heart for the importance of missions. Beautiful.

The music took on a new, tangible meaning for me, too. The "generation rising to take its place" was real, composed of my peers and friends. They cried for God to "fill my heart and make me clean, open up my eyes to things unseen. Show me how to love like you love me." They will need it. My friends will need to be filled up, to be satisfied by Christ's love when everything else is unfamiliar and maybe even frightening, and to move past their concern for themselves to see what God is showing them through images of disease, poverty, godlessness, and unrest. I hope we mean all the words we sing in chapel on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but I know that those men and women who will represent Taylor University most certainly meant those words together tonight.

Finally, Scott Moeschberger showed me what I want my future in missions to look like. He spoke from Micah 6:8, a verse most people around here know quite well: "What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." But people the world over cry out for justice. Hamas and the IRA demand "justice." How is the Christian's justice different from the world's justice? It is motivated and dictated by the Love of Christ, the loyal, faithful, undying and self-sacrificing grace and mercy of our own dear God. And not only that, but when we give of ourselves we must do so with only Him in mind, demonstrating that we are nothing but servants of the great Judge, the one whose Truth will reign forever over the righteous and the wicked.

We speak of the "passion" of Christ on the cross. What is passion? Passion is love lived out, freely given from sacrifice and the depth of our souls. Passion is action motivated by faithfulness to the Holy Father who calls us and demands our very lives. Maybe it's easy (though I doubt it) to have passion for one month on a Lighthouse trip. But what else will you commit to your God?

This morning in church, Jason Dorsey (*sigh* my favorite) said that, yes, when you become a Christian, God will indeed require you to give up drinking or your sexual promiscuity or your gambling. But I'm sorry, that's only the easy part. GOD DEMANDS YOUR LIFE. Don't take this Christianity lightly. It goes beyond tithing or resisting temptation. When you sing, "Show me how to love like you have loved me," you had better expect Him to do that--because He will and it will hurt. It will be painful. If you turn your life over to God, He will turn your life upside down. HE WILL MESS WITH YOU.

Mercy, justice, humility, love, and passion are the road to which you commit yourself. Don't fool yourself when you try not to fear where God will take you. Don't diminish the call He has placed on your life. It will try you as the cross tried our Lord.

But know that His love and truth will be your comfort in the darkest of times. He will never lead you where He won't accompany you. He will not require of you what He did not do for us Himself. And wherever you go, even if you don't have an auditorium full of brothers and sisters to comfort you, live in the confidence that He will bless you richly for responding to His call. He will know you and you will know Him. You will be His witness and He will be your God.

Please pray for Sarah Albinson, Julie Coddington, Julie Hogan, Kayla Cange, and others who will be traveling to foreign countries in January to serve on Lighthouse teams.

Are you trying to tell me that things actually work out sometimes?!

Okay. This is a story if I ever heard one.

Last October, I went to the generic Spring Break Missions meeting with no expectations. I heard about all of the locations and trips and I didn't really feel particularly drawn to any of them...until I explored the Nicaragua trip a bit more. It's a missions trip for business majors and Spanish majors (of which I am neither) and it was quite a leap of the imagination to think that I would be accepted to the trip. But I applied anyway and also e-mailed Dr. Hadley Mitchell, economics professor and leader of the trip. This is what I said to him:

My interest in business is both personal and public service-oriented. One of the reasons business and economics are so fascinating is because they are a perfect example of how individual actions impact the rest of one's community and the rest of the world. In both individual and community life, I believe stewardship is one of the key ways a Christian, a true follower of Christ, is set apart from the world.
First, my personal interest in business comes from a desire to use my personal resources—talents and finances—for God's glory. For example, I am currently acting as director of media relations (drafting business plans, investor letters, and other technical writing) in a growing entrepreneurial endeavor with a few other TU students. While our company's public goal is to assist artists in the business world, our private goal is to create a stable resource to serve and finance non-profit missions organizations. We are not only filling an immediate and practical need, we are also seeking to ultimately do God's work.
Second, I am fascinated by the impact of business and economics on government, international politics, and missions. The influence and reach of economics is so broad that I think Christians fail too often to realize how much potential we have to minister through business. To come into a community and bring food and medical care is a wonderful imitation of Christ's love for people with great material needs; but I think we can do even more than that.
As Frédéric Bastiat said, "Life cannot support itself." However, by fostering communities that are self-sustaining—whether by digging wells, teaching agricultural techniques, or developing local businesses and creating jobs—Christians can fight for the life and well-being of the poor with a long-term perspective. When we enable and encourage people in impoverished communities to support themselves, we show them that they are valuable—both as children of God who deserve the basic necessities of life, and as contributing members of a community, with special abilities and purposes who can support themselves and their families. This offers not only the means for life, but also a reason to live.

Good, huh? Yep. But to no avail. Weeks passed and I heard literally nothing about Spring Break, whether I was accepted to any trip, much less my first choice. Then just before J-term break, I received an e-mail informing me that I was accepted to the Chicago trip, my 3rd choice.

Now it's two weeks into spring semester, I'm a little on the swamped side, and spring break is rolling along...until yesterday when Dr. Mitchell interrupted my lunch at the DC. He just sat down at my table full of 2nd South girls and started talking to me and I was thoroughly amused. He recommended a book, saying something like "I'm going to suggest this to all of you..." and I thought he meant my macro class. Then I realized that he thought I was going on the Nicaragua trip. I told him that I wasn't accepted, that I was going to Chicago instead. He just said, "It's warmer in Nicaragua." Basically, he said there's a spot open and he wants me to come. WHAT?!

At first I was thinking that it was impossible--heck, you can't back out of these things! Once you accept, you're in. Then I get this e-mail today, saying that Dr. Mitchell requested that I join the SIFE trip to Nicaragua. SHEIZ! No kidding.

So although it was a hard thing to "abandon" Chicago, it was really an easy choice to make. I don't hastily credit God for bunches of stuff that happens, but some things "work together for good" like I could never even imagine. This is absolutely sick.