Saturday, January 24, 2009

I Am Learning to Be Apathetic

Is this a bad thing--to let my head take over in all cases? What do I lose but the potential for heartache?

Okay, I'm not really apathetic. Nah, I'm frequently passionate, and about a hundred things. I'm an extremist. It's better to soar in the heights and crash into pain and suffering than never leave the ground. You learn more by struggling and failing, I guess.

And I know this too. I know from experience and from others' experiences. I guess it's hard each realize it all over again.

But seriously, I am shifting or maybe drifting from this in a way. I definitely try to avoid hyper-emotionalism more than maybe I used to. Seems like the more serious issues are the ones when I try to keep to thoughts rather than feelings. (Haha...I suppose that's WAY logical of me.)

Is it a bad thing to seek emotional security over what seems like a more sensitive life? Usually I'd say yes. And economics once again come to mind: quite often, with risk comes reward, but do not create an unnecessary risk...

My thoughts must remain in check, tethered to the Holy Spirit and to wisdom. Now, that doesn't mean I'm safe from suffering. Hell, no. Sometimes my greatest, most intense passions come from thoughts and knowledge than from anything else. I don't need sensation or over-sentimental emotion to be vulnerable and raw and subject to pain.

I admit, I thrive on risks and I'm emboldened when I realize my self-consciousness. Yet despite the certain necessity of vulnerability, it has a rational limit.

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